UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
