I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
