Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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