Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
