Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
