Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
