i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i drank out of a bidet.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
