you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have already put on my inside pants.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
