I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Randomize
