just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
