It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize