He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
