Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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