I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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