No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
