Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
