I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize