the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
