You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
