people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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