he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
