Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just pynch a tree in the face
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
