I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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