if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
