I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
