I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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