Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize