dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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