I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
