I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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