mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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