so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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