we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
