so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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