Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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