I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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