uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
