Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
