you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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