He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
