so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
