my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
