Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
