I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
