i was rollin on her like bob the builder
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
