Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
