there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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