saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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