i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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