my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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