I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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