I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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