he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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