And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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