just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
