God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
