the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize