the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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