so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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