I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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