I'm going to rape someone's good day.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
